Story of Nokubonga From Childhood To Adulthood

My name is Nokubonga Nomfihlo Mthwakazi, a 30-year-old woman. I was born to Zoleka and Fikile and was raised by my grandmother, Teteyi, who is my maternal grandmother and a descendant of the Mayirheni clan. I grew up in the small town of Ngcobo, in the village of Qebe.

I was raised mostly by my grandmother, although my aunts were also present, but here I will focus on myself and my grandmother. She loved me very much because I was an obedient child who listened well and could easily be sent on errands. The trouble began when I had to attend school in Ngcobo town, in a township called Polile. During that time, my mother made my life difficult. I was just a troubled child, seeing things in my unique way, doing things differently as if someone was telling me what to do. I endured this because no one at home addressed my issues, but I could tell I was not like other children. I mostly wanted to play with boys.

I grew up like that, and things became difficult in Grade 6. I wanted to leave school in the township and study in the rural areas because I felt different. Even at school, when the teacher was absent, I would immediately report it, and others would notice my behaviour. I remember one teacher at Masonwabe Junior Secondary School who called me “Nkosini,” which is a term for someone mentally disturbed. It hurt me deeply, and even my friends turned against me, leaving me isolated because I was different from the other children. My mother refused to let me transfer schools, and I endured this situation. I even tried to seek spiritual help because I thought demons might possess me. Although I didn’t like the Bible, my prayer life was different, and many students began joining the school’s religious organization, SCO. I felt better because I did something spiritual and passed Grade 7 well.

However, I lost interest in academics and went to King Hintsa College to study mechanical engineering. Things went well at first, but I frequently fell ill and had to go home because of nosebleeds. I stayed quiet and didn’t want anything, only crying, but I endured until the year ended. I returned to Ngcobo and looked for a school at Zwelivumile S.S.S. in Zadungeni, where I studied Science and Maths. Although I didn’t love those subjects, I sought spiritual salvation again and even sang in the school assembly. I continued to lead the class and write on the board, but I remained ill with various ailments. My parents decided to perform a traditional ritual for me, but it did not go well, and I didn’t get better. I felt disconnected from everything.

I sought refuge in a church called Zion and sang there, but people didn’t want me there, either. I clashed with church leaders, particularly women, and eventually stopped attending because there was no place where I felt peace. Meanwhile, my relationship with my mother worsened. She wanted me to do things her way, but I wanted to follow my own path. I didn’t speak much, only acted, and she tried to control me but failed. Eventually, I finished high school and stayed with my grandmother in the rural areas where life was better.

Before completing Grade 10, my friends were boys. I played soccer with them, while others saw me as a tomboy. I didn’t mind; I wanted to escape my inner turmoil. I started drinking alcohol to escape my pain because my grandmother was the only one who understood me. My mother became abusive because she wanted to change how I did things. I started dating and drinking to release my pain. I became pregnant with my first child, and there was no lobola payment. I got pregnant the first time I slept with this boy, and we never saw each other again. I continued dating someone else, and he thought he was the father, but I knew it was the first one. I kept quiet, and after seven months, my grandmother noticed and took me to my relatives, where I was insulted, because no lobola had been paid. I stayed quiet and moved on with my life.

After I passed Grade 12, I struggled to find a school or help. I gave birth to a boy, Zibusiso, and my mother helped me when I was discharged from the hospital. She helped with the umbilical cord and returned to the rural areas, telling me I had gotten what I wanted. Life was hard; I had no money and was unemployed. The child’s father never appeared. I found a job on a construction site in Ngcobo, laying bricks. After three months, I wanted to return to school because I was told I had to pay for my school fees myself. I saved up for school supplies and started looking for a technical school. I found a nursing school in Johannesburg, applied, and was accepted. The problem was that I didn’t know anyone in Johannesburg, but I went anyway.

When I arrived, I stayed with an extended family member on my mother’s side, where life was tough. I had to care for their epileptic child, running between school and the hospital to take care of them. Life was hard, but I persevered. One night, the family’s drunk son, tried to assault me. Thankfully, I was saved when the other children intervened. The next morning, I called my grandmother and told her everything. She advised me to find a new place, and my mother agreed to send R500 every month for rent. I endured my first year in those difficult conditions.

I eventually found work as a caregiver, earning R1200, but I had to send R500 home. Life was tough, and I felt the need to find a man to help me financially because my salary wasn’t enough. I got a promotion as an HIV counsellor, earning R2500, and things improved. I became deeply involved in alcohol to escape my struggles, which overwhelmed me.

I got another promotion, earning R3500, which was better. But life remained challenging. I had to support my siblings and continued to face difficulties. When my grandmother passed away in 2019, things got worse. I had no one left, and I had to carry the burden of my grandmother’s second child, who was mentally unwell. Life was unbearable.

Now, I find peace in a spiritual church called The Revelation Spiritual Home. However, my family doesn’t support my spiritual journey. I no longer drink or engage with men because I now respect myself and my spiritual path. I hope my story can teach and inspire others.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share my story.

Respectfully,

Nokubonga/Nomfihlo Mthwakazi

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